We all have someone who is close to us whether it be a husband, wife, son, daughter, brother, sister, father, mother or friend. We travel through this life with the idea these people will be with us forever. Then one day something happens which takes that special person from us through death. You might ask, “How can this be?”, or “Why did this happen?” Two of the most popular questions are, “Why did God allow this to happen?” or “Why did God take this person from me?” First, God is a God of order. He established laws both in the general order of things and for us to live by. Man has taken these laws and through science has tried to remove God from the equation. When a person loses someone to death or any major negative event takes place in one’s life, one of the first to be blamed is God. Yet, when times are going good, God is furthest from the mind. God has put things in nature and through natural laws to take place. Of course, we need to remember that death came upon all men through the actions of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Since that time, physical death is just a part of life.
We have started this site as a place for those who are mourning, who are hurting not only from their loss, but also those who want to help people who have experienced loss and aren’t sure what to say or do for them. This will begin as a place to share testimonies of what the Lord and others have done to help them through their grief; to share stories about their experiences; and also hurts from insensitivity and neglect from others as they’ve journeyed through their grief.
We couldn’t have said it better than Susan Duke who in her book Grieving Forward: Embracing Life Beyond Loss writes: “During the first stages of grief, we have little comprehension of what has happened to us. Every page of our lives becomes bookmarked with a ‘before’ and ‘after’ of our loss. Shock and disbelief are mixed together and sprinkled across our shadowed valley of change. It is only in walking through the valley that we are prepared, one step at a time, for the next mile of our journey. These first truths, as foreign as they may seem, are best met fully awake. Grief has a work to do. We cannot medicate it away, sleep it away, shop it away, or busy ourselves enough to dilute our pain. Grief demands to be experienced through the solitary process of change. Life goes on around us, and yet we’re thrown off the well-beaten path we once walked. a new path lies before us, beckoning us forward into more unknowns. … Certainly, my life had changed. I would never be the same again.” (pp. 18-19)
Of course, after experiencing loss, none of us are ever the same again. Most reference it as going through stages of grief. Mrs. Duke likens it to going through valleys. No matter what you call it, we all experience it in our own way and in our own time and no one can tell us what our experience should be. For that reason as we state throughout, that is why we want this web site to be experience-based. We have many questions arise as we deal with our loss – the biggest is “WHY?” We may never receive an answer or answers at least to our satisfaction to any of our questions surrounding our loss. It doesn’t make it any easier to deal with, however, we do deal with it and make it through while still surviving to live another day as we move into the new normal of our lives.
As introductions are written for the pages on this site, there may be some repetition in the wording from page to page. Some of this is intentional because the loss may be similar to one on another page. Also, most of the time, the writing will be in more of a conversational style because we want the person viewing these pages to feel comfortable and not like we are “cold” in the way we address the issue. Also, while we try to not rely on spell checkers, we sometimes slip and if we do make a mistake, please forgive us and hope we will catch and correct it soon. If not, just understand we are human too. At first, we may not touch on all the bases regarding all the aspects of the particular type of loss, but we will address them as they are brought to our attention and are able to do so. Everyone experiences loss in a different way even if it is the same type of loss as someone else’s.
The idea behind this site was originally born with the idea of getting information to and about the widower. This stemmed not only from the loss of my wife, but from discussions with other widowers over a period of about two years during which I lost my wife, Kelli. The purpose of this web site is to attempt to give experience-based comfort to those who are grieving in a number of ways. Many books have been written about loss and grief and how to deal with it. Courses are taught on how to counsel and assist those in this area. There are the five steps of grief. There are cultural steps for grieving after a loss. Then, family and friends will try and tell you how to grieve. While a compact version could be presented on the one hand, an almost infinite amount of information and advice could be presented on the other. The idea for this site is to let the grieving person know there are others who are grieving – possibly for the same type of loss, maybe not in the same way, but grieving none-the-less. It is our desire to let the grieving person know it is ok to grieve. It is ok to grieve for as long or as short a time as one feels they need to and it is all right. We want to let the grieving person know they don’t have to grieve “by the book” or the way everyone else feels they should, but by experience. We invite those who have lost someone to share their story of loss and how they dealt with grief. We want those who come to this web site to see that the grief process can be both personal and shared. Each page on this site will deal with a specific loss and from different angles. There will also be a sharing area and a resource page of counselors and reference material we and others have found helpful. We do not seek to counsel or give advice ourselves and will not, but merely want to give opportunity for those who visit to find comfort and peace knowing it is all right for them to grieve in their own way. Thus, the name of this site – comfort2themourning.
Please visit often, as this site will be continuously changing and growing.